I really do like rollercoasters but...

Seriously, my week has been full of tears and laughter. Last Thursday I was told that on December 31st I would no longer have a job after 5 years at the company. I knew it was coming but still, a hard blow. I still haven't processed what this means to me. I don't think I can unless I want to cry for 3 days. I just sucked it up and I'm pushing forward so I can help my boss get ready for having to do 5 people's jobs now.
As I've been trying to figure out what happens on January 1st to me... I talked with my Grandmother about co-signing a loan so I can be a full-time student. She's really open to it. Hopefully this means that I'll just be looking for a part-time job.
Finals end next Thursday and I can't wait to be finished. I love school but finals stress me out!
My sister and her kids are in town and I love her but they've required alot of my time so it's been hard to keep up with everything. Yesterday we went to Aveda for my sis to get her hair fixed by Mike (whom I love!). We were there for 5 hours! It took forever, poor Mike. I got to hang with Hayley and Kirsten for a while and catch up. So, my sister kept telling me that Mike was into me and asking questions about me. Last time we were there, like a week ago, I had Kirsten give him my number but he never called. I was like, ok, maybe he's not that into me. I found out yesterday that he broke up with his girlfriend last week. They had been on and off for a while. When we were leaving yesterday he made it a point to come up to me and talk and give me his number and said, he really wanted to hang out soon but understands that I'm wrapping up school...please give him a call. =) I was on cloud nine. I'm like, He really likes me!!! I can see where we have some differences and probably no future but it'll be fun to hang out and get to know each other.
After that we went to see Australia. I had heard amazing things about it but it was even better than I expected.
I've had 4 hours of sleep and can't concentrate on work right now.
So, I'm off to finals and a Christmas party.
I really miss my friends right now!!!

I guess it’s a good thing that work has been very busy today. It has kept me from being focused on my anger. I had a conversation last night with a friend that just got divorced. Turns out she had been abused the last two years. As I talked with her my heart broke and I cried with her and encouraged her as much as I could. After the phone call I got angry. I’m so glad that her ex lives in another state. I’m so glad that she got out before he killed her. I’m so glad that she didn’t tell me when this was happening. Because if she had, there would’ve been nothing that kept me from getting to her and bringing her home. No amount of astronomical gas prices or lack of vacation days would’ve kept me from helping her. Of course when I got there the rage most likely would’ve taken over and the need to show him what it feels like to be powerless would’ve come out.

 

See, I’ve been that girl. So in love. So broken down with no self worth left and I couldn’t fight for myself. I had to have someone do it for me. Now, knowing what I know, I will fight for her. Maybe not with fists, guns and knives but with love, words, compassion and empathy.

 

I know God said that vengeance is His. I respect that and I obey that. There is a level of protection for our loved ones that we are responsible for as well. We will be held accountable for what we do to and for other humans, especially other Christians. We’re supposed to know better and do better. Act like Christ.

 

Nothing makes me angrier than to hear of a human beating another human. A friend once said that once a man has hit a woman he is no longer a man. That, I have to agree with. I think at that point a man becomes something else entirely. God never intended this for us.

 

My friend wants to move past it and almost act like nothing happened because she wants to be strong. She wants to prove that she can handle this. The problem is we weren’t made to handle this. Even the strong break under that kind of pressure.

 

I wish men would understand that no matter what has happened to them in their life you have to have control of your temper and anger. If you aren’t careful it will so easily become hitting your girlfriend or wife.

In that aspect I’m sorry for what this man has had to go through. Her ex was abused by his dad, now he’s become the abuser and lost his wife because of it.

 

It is a sad situation. But she’s strong and if she’ll let God, He’ll heal her and she can move on. It is going to be a long road though. It all makes me want to go Carrie Underwood on his car! 

My food for today.

"Love passionately your mission" Rodin  STOP! Think about this one. 

"Follow your bliss" Joseph Campbell

Whatever it is that sets you on fire, go after it. You may not know but look. We all have a purpose and when you find it then that is a great gift as you are living truly as who you are. We spend a lot of time working, find something that is really you. Look around. Lots of people don't and their spirit dies a little each day. Find it, be realistic and make it work as a life. -Perkins

Churches

Here’s my rant for the day. What is up with Americans!?!?! In my Art History class we’re studying Byzantine art. These churches are amazing! As Americans, we’d never build anything as a house of worship that even compared to these amazing architectural accomplishments. There are a handful of churches that could be near the same category and most of them are in the northeast. It’s just unbelievable to me that we’re the richest country and put so little into our places of worship. There are of course the mega churches that are massive and somewhat interesting architecturally. For the most part they lack inspiration. Most churches I’ve seen or visited make me wonder where are the artists in the community? Where are the believers that are moved and inspired by the story of Christ? The churches in Europe are so magnificent they can move you to tears and the word “spectacular” barely begins to describe them. Maybe one day our society will catch up or on. I doubt it. We are a very selfish culture in general. 

Anyway, here are some of the churches I'm talking about. 

     

   

I had this therapeutic experience last night. About a week ago I got these crazy-fun extensions in my hair. I loved them! It totally made me feel like a rock star. I had to get them fixed on Saturday because it was too loose. Ever since then I’ve had a huge headache. No amount of Advil helped. I decided yesterday that I couldn’t take it anymore and tried to find someone to take them out for me, but no luck. I decided to wait another day and hopefully they would get better. I was getting ready for bed and noticed one was really loose and tried to fix it. When I did it fell out. I was like “Ok, it’s on now.” One by one I snipped the string that held fake hair in my head and watched it fall. As my head little by little started to feel better I began to realize that my fake hair was a metaphor for something very real to me. See, I have a good friend that is struggling through some major decisions right now. My heart breaks for her. I’ve prayed for her. I’ve cried for her. I’ve talked with and encouraged her. At the end of the day she’s still on the fence. And lets face it; life is much easier if you don’t have to think too much about spiritual stuff and consequences. I realized that if I asked her right now, “What makes you different from a non-Christian when it comes to your actions?” She probably wouldn’t have a lot to say. And that makes me so sad. I realized that we all have a bottom to hit when it comes to our sin. I did. I drank and partied with the best of them through out Athens until I hit a wall and realized I was becoming someone that I never wanted to be and I needed help. I finally got it and got into church and chose to have a personal relationship with Christ. It changed everything. I still made mistakes and poor choices but at the end of the day I can look myself in the mirror and be happy with who I am and what I see. I’m stronger because I choose Christ. I’m healthier because I haven’t let what someone did to me define me. I’ve worked hard and clung to Christ and for that I’m so grateful.

I want to be different. I don’t want to be just like everyone else in the culture. I want to be sharp, stylish and modest. Most of all I want to be me in Christ. So I let go of the fake hair. It was never really me anyway. And I surrender all my worries about my friend to Christ. It’s time for me to be ok with being called “straight-laced” and happy that people recognize that I’m different in that way from others. 

So, you lick my tattoo...

Halloween is a crazy day. When will I learn to just go home and hide under a blanket while watching It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown? Instead I decided to go have a blast with the girls. I swear the best part of the night was all of us getting ready. Getting all dolled up in our fun costumes and taking pictures... chatting, rambling, decompressing, and dancing to the crazy music. Hands down it was my best memory of the night. It would be real easy to say the cute boy that asked me to dance, insane boy that mistook me for his "girlfriend" and tried to give me a lapdance or the guy that liked my tattoo so much he decided to lick it, with out asking I might add, topped the list as most memorable. But No! The girls that I went out with are the most amazing part of the night! L with her sarcasm and incredible dance moves, H with her "everyone must meet me and my amazing friends" mentality, and S with her genuine get-to-know-you attitude made this Halloween unforgettable. I wouldn't trade it for anything. 

New Hairs

I think that a new hair do changes your perspective on the world. I'm not certain this is what happens because it seems temporary. While in the temporary stage the world is a new toy. There's a new confidence to walk up and talk to new people. You're favorite drink at Starbucks taste sweeter. Maybe that's just the new soymilk. The sun shines brighter, but it could be that lack of sleep thing. It took forever to put in my new hair last night. I got four hours of sleep. Maybe I just need to chill. 

I still think that the new hair has given me a ton of confidence though.

and that's when I decided to go home...

It always seem to happen when I least expect it. I was walking around the grocery store and saw this guy about 22 with a bright ti-dyed shirt on and an "I Voted" sticker. It made me smile that this guy voted and he was wearing ti-dye. Don't know why, it just did. 

Later I noticed him at the check out and he has this great tattoo on the lower back of his neck that says "copyright 1981". It was the copyright symbol. I loved it! As I'm staring at his tat the check out girl informs me that my card didn't work. So, I scan it again as I'm trying to think of something clever to say, if I can get his attention. The check out girl again informs me that my card didn't work. I look down and realize that I've been scanning my card upside down and backwards. 

And that's when I decided to not look up again and go home. Wow, blonde moment.